[EXPLODING CIGARS ARE BAD, MMM'KAY?] For the sanity of our patrons, this is a "Cigar Joke" free zone.
Thanks for the pic, Reaper.


Text files (mostly funny)

Online comic strips

United Media Comic Strips page
Dilbert archives
Penny Arcade
Sluggy Freelance
User Friendly

Other funny stuff

The Official Monty Python home page (See also the links in my tv & movies page)
Greg Bulmash's page
Hellhund's computer ranch
Check out the Archives section
Tony Jones' Humour page
1001 (well, not yet) uses for Duct Tape
The Piss-Off page
The Centre For the Easily Amused
A Typical Day At Work, by DERF
There's a fair bit of geek humour on my hackers page
Bored? Annoyed at the all the crap on TV these days? Check out Mabel's Online Cockroach Emporium
(My attempt at a creative writing page)
Joe Cartoon
Cheezy snacks!!!
Something Awful
The phone gets its revenge!
(but not on people...)

Semi-serious/real-life humour

The Ig Nobel Prize
...celebrates strange, pointless and just plain weird scientific research.

The NeoScience Institute
"Taking over the world for a better tomorrow"

A bizarre physics site

Chemical Comics

The MAD Scientist Network

The Annals Of Improbable Research

milk.com 's Wall-o-shame

The Urban Dictionary
A slang dictionary with words contributed by users


The Altar
Perth's inter-university student drinking club. Formerly the Toilet Appreciation Society.

Crap jokes

What did the farmer say to the cow on the roof?
Get down, cow.

What's big, yellow and doesn't swim?
A tractor.

What's big, yellow and dangerous?
Shark-infested custard.

Slightly better jokes

What do puppies and nearsighted gynecologists have in common?
They both have wet noses!

What's Irish and sits on the porch?
Paddy O'Furniture

A doctor, an architect, and a computer scientist were arguing about whose profession was the oldest. In the course of their arguments, they got all the way back to the Garden of Eden, whereupon the doctor said, "The medical profession is clearly the oldest, because Eve was made from Adam's rib, as the story goes, and that was a simply incredible surgical feat."
The architect did not agree. He said, "But if you look at the Garden itself, in the beginning there was chaos and void, and out of that, the Garden and the world were created. So God must have been an architect."
The computer scientist, who had listened to all of this said, "Yes, but where do you think the chaos came from?"

Two lions escape from London zoo. They decide in the interests of evading capture to separate, but to meet back at the zoo in a years time.
A year later they meet. The first lion is fat, with a shiny coat; very healthy. The second is thin, mangy, ill. The fat lion looks at the thin lion as says: "Christ mate you look rough, where have you been?" The thin lion says " I've had a shitty time. been prowlingthe streets of london, scavenging out of bins, fighting the local dog population, being hunted by police- its been terrible. What about you, you look so healthy!!!" "Oh," said the fat lion, "I've been living in a broom cupboard at Microsoft, i've eaten a programmer a week, and no one's noticed."

The foreman at a coal mine in Scotland falls down a tunnel. The problem is this: the workmen can hear him shouting for help, but because of the echo, it's impossible to determine which of three adjacent tunnels he's fallen down. They want to lower rescue equipment to haul him out, but, being Scotsmen, they're cheap and don't want to waste time or money going down the wrong hole. So, they try this: they take a biscuit and tie a string around it, then they lower it down each hole to see if he'll grab for it -- they'd then know which tunnel to send the rescue equipment down.
But, of course this didn't work. As we all know, a trolling scone gathers no boss.

Physicist, Engineer, Mathematician jokes

Alastair Irvine
Last modified: Thu Dec 30 17:15:32 WST 2004